sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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