Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
