There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
