I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
