wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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