God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can I color on your dick again?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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