It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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