I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
