I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
