Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
