mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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