BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it glows. i had to have it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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