shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
