just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
