i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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