Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
