well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
