I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
