well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
