She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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