when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
