He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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