it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
