My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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