hell yes lets make some ravioli
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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