I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
