Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
