Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
