so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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