People with herpes should wear stickers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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