I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
