Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
