one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
