In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I want a musical about memes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
