you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
