So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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