I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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