I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
