The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I would fuck him just for his dog
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