It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
