just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
