last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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