It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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