She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
