i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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