dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
