I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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