I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
