Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
