Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
