After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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