Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
