White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
