bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
