I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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