The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
